We often don't prioritize being a good listener. Yes, being a good listener is a nice trait. However, if we were presented with dozens of personality traits we could easily acquire, we would likely prefer many other skills over being a good listener. In fact, we sometimes even perceive being a good listener as passivity in communication. We want to express ourselves, and we want others to listen to us.
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a recent study , good listeners do their jobs better, say they feel better, and build more meaningful and fulfilling relationships with those around them. How well and often we listen to others is actually an indicator of how good a leader we can be. We tend to trust good listeners more and perceive them as more curious and understanding.
We can actually understand the importance of being a good listener by looking at its rarity. The world we live in is one that rewards and spoils people who can promote themselves, express themselves, stay at the center of attention, and talk at length even when they have nothing to say.
defense of introversion seems illogical to many people, especially in today's world where people strive to be overly extroverted. This also explains why, although we list the virtue of being a good listener on our resumes, we often fail to make the effort to put it into practice.
So, if we change our minds, how can we become good listeners? It's actually very simple. We'll shut our mouths, listen, and repeat this. If these instructions seem tedious, and if we find it difficult to apply such simple instructions, we can also try to acquire this skill according to the results of years of research.
To be a good listener, we need to focus on a few key factors. The first is focus . Many people struggle to listen because they lack focus. Giving our full attention to what we're listening to shouldn't be that difficult. However, we have many things that prevent this. Stress, anxieties, a distracting environment, or trying to multitask are some of them.
Although we may not want to believe it, it seems highly unlikely that we can handle all the tasks requiring focus simultaneously – though I don't mean it's impossible. I just don't feel like it! However, doing two or sometimes more things at once is actually like having a sense of humor or a taste for music. We often fail to see that we're not very good at something we're not doing at all, even when we think we are. So, sadly, we should learn to give up this habit from time to time.
Another factor we need to focus on is empathy . Many people in society possess the capacity for empathy but fail to use it when needed. In fact, we allow other things to get in the way of empathy. This is easier when we love the person in question, but it can be helpful to remember that we can develop empathy even if we don't feel any emotion towards the person we're listening to. Indeed, if we want to shift our perspective towards a healthier and fairer direction, we should pursue compassion, not empathy. Of course, within limits.
Another habit that hinders our ability to listen is our impulsive behavior. If we can't control our emotions, we might interrupt the other person's speech with positive or negative additions. As our awareness of our emotions and behaviors increases, we can overcome this impulsiveness. We must remember how important it is to control ourselves, even when we think we are right or when we don't like what we're hearing, for the continuation of communication.
Finally, let's not forget that this skill, like other skills, requires effort. When we receive criticism from those around us, we can take it into account, focus on the points raised, and improve over time. In this way, we listen to the criticism and take the first step successfully.
Here is the translated and slightly adapted text.
Originally published on Medium on June 13, 2022. English translation of “Fikir saçalım, üzerimize bulaşmasın.”.